Published On: 11-23-2006 09:23 AM
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Most people know this feeling — you go to the ATM to get some cash and the machine tells you it’s just not possible.

I’ve met some unhelpful user interfaces before, but it strikes me that ATMs work on the principle that anyone who has the temerity to actually take money away from a bank is a kind of tolerated criminal. It makes sense of some of the more baffling moments of “What the…?” you experience with these things.

In this case, I just wanted a little cash. 75 euros, that’s all. I put my card in, keyed in my PIN, asked for €75 and waited. Whirr, whirr, whirr, said the machine, and then flashed up a simple message:

Requested amount: 75 euros.
Amount available: 70 euros.

What the…? I checked my balance. It was well into three figures, so why am I only allowed €70? I cancelled the transaction, reinserted my card and tried again. Same result.

My mind ran over several possibilities. Had I had a letter from the bank recently? Had the anti-terrorist squad frozen my account? Was there some kind of new law restricting the amount of cash you are allowed to carry on your person?

Well, I got my €70, did a bit of shopping and panicked very, very quietly.

At times like this, it’s actually worth being married. It takes a wife to point out the bleeding obvious: some banks don’t put €5 notes in their ATMs.

I still maintain the people who programmed this masterpiece of technology could have put in some more helpful messages.

Published On: 11-16-2006 09:14 AM
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Mid-November should be wet, cold, dark and foggy. This year it’s crisp, mild and quite colourful, with leaves still on the trees.

I just went outside and took a snapshot:



(Click on the thumbnail to see a bigger version.)

This is nothing like seeing it in real life, of course, but it gives you an idea. This gorgeous spectacle is visible from our kitchen window.

Published On: 11-08-2006 06:10 PM
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It’s a simple enough journey: I take a bus from the village to the next village, which boasts a railway station. I then take a train from there to the not-very-fair city of Hanau, where work awaits.

That’s the theory, and usually it works. But even the German public transport system has its occasional off day, and today was one.

The station is a terminus on the end of a long and winding single-track line. I have to wait for the train from Hanau to arrive, whereupon the passengers disembark, and I embark and off we go. When things go wrong on a single-track line, they go badly wrong.

At first, the train just didn't come. The electronic platform indicator said it was running 10 minutes late. Then 15. Then 20. Then 30.

At this point — the train already 10 minutes late and running at least another 20 minutes behind schedule — I caught a snippet of conversation from which I gleaned that the train was still stuck almost at the other end of the line. Eventually, the journey I was hoping to be on to Hanau was cancelled, but the train from Hanau still hadn’t arrived.

A short conversation with the guy in the coodination centre revealed that the train was now an hour late and would be going back to Hanau, a little late but at least I would still get there not very late. The “technical problem” they had had been sorted out.

Well, eventually a train did arrive, but we weren’t allowed on it because it was just a relief train and was to be shunted away out of sight. Somewhat later, the train we had all been waiting for arrived, but we weren’t allowed on that one, either. We would have to wait for the next one, which was running 10 minutes late. No, 20 minutes. No, 30 minutes…

At this point I gave up, cancelled and came back home. Waiting for me was an e-mail from my wife, informing me, among other things, that Mercury is currently retrograde, which means basically that Murphy’s Law applies with a vengeance.

I knew I should have stayed in bed this morning…

Published On: 11-04-2006 09:48 PM
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We had two jobs to do today. One was to gather in the remaining apples and take them to the cider press. The other was to pick something up from the wholesaler’s. This was the subject of a short conversation this morning.

Now, bear in mind, please, that my wife is constantly bemoaning the fact that I never listen to her. She gets that impression because she usually waits until I’m concentrating very hard on something else before she tells me something vitally important.

So here is a snippet of conversation:

Mrs rewboss: Do you think we should go and get the apples now?

rewboss: Well, what time—

Mrs rewboss: Quite early, and this is the last day they’re accepting apples this year.

rewboss: No, that’s not—

Mrs rewboss: So I think we should go soon, don’t you?

rewboss: I said: What time—

Mrs rewboss: …does the cider press close? I just told you!

rewboss: No, that wasn’t my question.

Mrs rewboss: Of course it was!

rewboss: No, my question was: What time does the wholesaler’s close?

Of course, when she tells her friends about this incident, she will undoubtedly claim that I switched from “cider press” to “wholesaler’s” in order to avoid looking foolish. But of course, we all know the truth, don’t we?

Published On: 11-03-2006 09:56 AM
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Egads, I'm not very good at keeping my blog up to date, am I?

Since you don't want to know in intimate detail what effects I am experiencing as a result of the beans we had last night, I will instead mention that after an extraordinarily warm October, it has suddenly got quite cold.